


you’ll never be nothing (you’ll always be everything)

by orphan_account



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Cuddles, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, nora did us dirty by not giving us Them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:55:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22055905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: in which kevin finds love, home, and healingorexy isn’t kevin’s only boyfriend
Relationships: Kevin Day/Andrew Minyard, Kevin Day/Neil Josten, Kevin Day/Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 21
Kudos: 296





	you’ll never be nothing (you’ll always be everything)

**Author's Note:**

> tw: mentions of canon abuse (evermore, proust, and riko), canon typical violence, unhealthy coping with alcohol
> 
> i cannot thank abby enough for being the most amazing beta ever, i’m not kidding when i say u can thank her for most of this! please go check her out [here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starssshine/pseuds/starssshine) if you have the chance, her writing makes me cry on the daily and deserves all the love

“Tell me you aren’t him,” Kevin pleaded in a low voice. “Tell me you aren’t Nathaniel.”

Neil’s wince at the name was enough of a confirmation. 

“Tell me you didn’t know who I was when we came to recruit you. Tell me you weren’t that _stupid_.” 

Neil only stared down at his clasped hands. As Kevin stared at him, he put together the pieces of the memories he had of Nathaniel Wesninski with the pieces he knew about Neil Josten and everything made _sense_ but also completely lacked sense at the same time.

Kevin gaped at him. “Why haven’t you run? Why are you still here?”

Neil—no, _Nathaniel_ bristled. “My mother is dead, Kevin. I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

Kevin was almost ashamed of how hysterical his voice went in his struggle to hold back tears. “You’re a _fucking idiot_ . Nowhere else to go? How about anywhere _but_ here? How about anywhere that _isn’t_ putting you directly in the Moriyama’s line of fire?” He scoffed. It almost sounded like a choked sob. “Staying here is suicide, Nathaniel.” 

“My name is Neil,” Nathaniel snapped. Even behind the brown contacts, his eyes were still as icy as if they were their natural blue. “And I’m not leaving now. I won’t.”

Kevin blinked furiously. He couldn’t afford to be weak now, not now. “You’re bringing death upon us all.”

Nathaniel froze, looking as if Kevin had slapped him across the face. Kevin hated it almost as much as he hated the racing of his mind. He rushed to rectify himself. “At the very least, they will make you sign with the Ravens in the spring in return for not telling the main family or your father.”

Nathaniel winced at the mention of the Butcher, but continued arguing. “I’m not a Raven, Kevin. I never will be. And I’m not going back to my father. My mother died to save me from him, I won’t let her death be for nothing.”

“Then please just _listen to me_ ,” Kevin pleaded. He took Nathaniel’s hands in his own, squeezing them tightly. “Save yourself. _Run_. Please don’t just ask me to just stand back and watch you die. I can't do that, Nathaniel—”

“I already told you. It’s _Neil_.” He wrenched his hands from Kevin’s and got to his feet. 

After shaking his head in disbelief, Kevin leapt to his feet, running to get in front of him. “Whatever. Whoever you are, whatever you want to be called. I can't watch from the sidelines when there’s something I can do.”

Nathaniel scoffed. “Oh yeah? And what would that be?”

Kevin hesitated before he answered. “They would be satisfied if I gave myself in return for your freedom. Of course, you would probably still have to run, but it would buy you time—”

“No. No way in _hell_ am I letting you go back there.” Kevin didn’t back down, didn’t look away. Nathaniel seemed as if he was in shock. “Kevin _no_.”

“But it could _work_ —”

“ _No_ . Just— just _no_.” Nathaniel paused, breathing hard. There was too much conflict in his eyes for Kevin to decipher any specific emotions. “There’s no way in hell I'm letting that happen. I'm not letting you get hurt because of me. I’m not worth it.”

Kevin felt as if he couldn’t move. Nathaniel’s words had frozen him to the spot and all he could do was stare in shock. _Not worth it_ , he said with no care in the world, as if Kevin wasn’t willing to sacrifice everything for him. 

Nathaniel seemed to realize he wasn’t going to respond. He sighed, shoulders and head drooping. Kevin felt Nathaniel grab his hand but he refused to look away from Nathaniel’s face. He didn’t look away until Nathaniel had raised Kevin’s hand to his lips and gently pressed a kiss to the scars and even then, he only looked away because he had to close his eyes or he would be overwhelmed by the expression on Nathaniel’s face combined with the feeling of Nathaniel's lips on his skin. His lips lingered, breath fluttering against Kevin’s skin before he kissed each knuckle. The touch sent shivers up and down Kevin’s spine and through each and every one of his nerves. Nathaniel’s lips were soft as rose petals against the rough scar tissue; the touch felt like ambrosia on the old wound. 

Nathaniel reluctantly let go of Kevin’s hand and turned around to leave, but Kevin was moving before he even registered what he was doing. 

Kevin grabbed Nathaniel by his sleeve and turned him to face him. He stared into his eyes, drinking in the emotion in them, more emotion than he had ever seen in any situation that didn’t involve exy. There was fire within those eyes, enough fire to destroy the world and then burn the ashes left behind, and yet Kevin was so very far from afraid. He spoke, one word, one word infused with everything he was too much of a coward to say: “ _Neil_.”

A plea, perhaps. Possibly even a confession. Either way, it made Neil take in a sharp breath. Either way, Neil understood him, like he always did. 

Kevin let go of his jacket, but Neil didn’t try to leave again. Instead, he walked closer, staring at Kevin as if he were in a trance. He moved before Kevin had the chance, grabbing him by his biceps and shoving him until Kevin’s back was against the glass and _holy shit he’s so close_ and then _holy shit he’s too close_ and then Kevin let himself be dragged down into a kiss that felt as if it could bruise not only his lips, but his very soul with the emotion behind it. 

Neil kissed as he lived, as if he had run into every problem, into every obstacle, and was only alive by the skin of his teeth. He kissed as if he had everything to lose, as if his life was on the line and holy goddamn, this kind of kiss made Kevin hear choirs of angels in his ears. When Neil pulled back, he slid one hand beneath Neil’s jacket for leverage before spinning them, resting his arm against the wall above Neil’s head for balance as he leaned down and captured Neil’s lips with his own once again. 

_This_. This was cigarettes and coffee and blood. This was damnation, this was resurrection, this was revival. Kevin had never been more alive.

Kevin licked into Neil’s mouth and held back a gasp when Neil bit at his lip before returning the favor. Neil’s whine against his mouth made Kevin shiver and pull him closer before licking and biting a path from Neil’s jaw to the crook of his neck. He stopped when he got to the collar of his jacket, pausing to breathe, to think. 

Unfortunately, his mind hated it when he stopped to think, so it decided to hurt him. As usual. Because he could feel Neil’s pulse beneath his lips and his heart was beating faster than Kevin’s. Neil was so _alive_ . He _was_ life. Somehow, despite this, he would be dead by May. Kevin was kissing a boy who might as well have been placed on death row.

He backed away, paling at his own overthinking. Even the sight of Neil, messy hair and bitten lips, couldn’t shake the feeling of anxiety that was quickly overtaking his every sense. 

“Kevin?” Neil’s voice was hoarse, raspy and vulnerable in a way that made Kevin’s heart melt. 

“You’re only doing this because you think you’re going to die, aren’t you?” Kevin demanded because there was simply no other explanation. 

Neil didn’t answer for a solid ten seconds and within those ten seconds, Kevin was resisting the urge to scream. In pain or in anger, he didn’t know. 

“I don’t think I’m going to die. I _know_ I’m going to die,” Neil finally said. 

Kevin turned around and walked away and didn’t look back until the stadium door had closed behind him. 

Neil didn’t say anything to stop him. He just called after him, “I was _always_ meant to die, Kevin.” 

—

Kevin had watched a lot of people leave him. 

He’d seen Thea leave him when he was a young boy, when he fell hopelessly in love with the first person to show him affection. 

He’d seen his mother leave him, led by Death’s heavy hand into the dark shadows of rest. 

He’d seen Andrew leave, still with that spiteful grin on his face as he was committed. Kevin didn’t know when he was going to see him again, and that hurt more than any abandonment he’d ever faced before. 

There was only one time where he had been the one to leave and flee from Hell to Heaven, not out of courage, but out of fear. He’d fled from the jaws of death into a new life, where he’d get another chance, and now he was having to watch someone else he cared about leave him. And this time, Kevin wasn’t afraid for himself. He was afraid to watch Neil go right into the place that almost killed him.

Neil didn’t seem to care where he was going. He was acting as if he was doing exactly what he told Matt he was going to do, which was to visit his uncle. The last smidgen of truth Kevin had seen from him was that morning on the court when Neil had kissed him. Kevin hadn’t been able to forget the feeling of Neil’s lips on his since then, no matter how much the memory hurt. 

Kevin bit down on his lip as he watched Neil, his dark brown hair that should’ve been red, his dark brown eyes that should’ve been blue, his fucking emotionless mask, it was all a lie and it made Kevin want to punch someone. Knowing Neil and knowing that he’d lived a lie for so many years made Kevin want to scream the truth, if only to take the weight off of Neil’s shoulders. Because _fuck_ the Moriyamas and Nathan fucking Wesninski; if anyone deserved to live with honesty, it was Neil. Because Kevin longed to be able to be _with_ Neil, the real Neil that Kevin had only been able to catch a glimpse of. He’d never wanted to know someone this much, if at all. He wanted it so much that it terrified him. _Neil_ terrified him, his mystery, the air of uncertainty that surrounded him. 

Unable to stand Neil’s calm demeanor any longer, Kevin sighed before speaking in French. “Are you sure you understand what you’re doing?”

Neil didn’t even turn to look at him.

“Riko won’t have any mercy on you. Neil, I lived with him for _years_ , following every rule and every guideline and I still barely got out alive. You don’t have the best track record when it comes to obeying, so how can you say that you’re coming back?” 

That got Neil’s attention, thank God.

He scowled before answering. “I made Andrew a promise. I promised not to run. I promised to stay. I’m not going to break that promise.”

“You also promised you were going to stay by me,” Kevin said, wincing at his obvious attempt at manipulation. Neil turned to him, lips parted with his next argument already on his tongue. Kevin hurried to continue and hopefully save himself from the embarrassment of Neil snapping at him. “You promised you were going to stay. That we were going to finish this season _together_.” 

With an exasperated eye roll, Neil crossed his arms over his chest. “You and your fucking exy addiction. I’ll be back in time for the next game and I’ll be playing in it. If it’s the season you’re worried about, there’s no need to.” Neil scoffed, staring at Matt’s truck like it had personally offended him. “And besides, you’ll be with Matt and the others and nobody will touch you when you’re with them” 

Anger bloomed inside of Kevin. As hot and restless as wildfire, it spurred his next response out before he could even think about it. “That’s not what I’m worried about, you idiot. I’m worried about _you_.” 

Neil looked taken aback. It was the first time since Kevin had said his real name that Kevin had seen him genuinely impacted by anything. “Me?”

Oh Lord, Kevin couldn’t handle this. Fear and anger fought like foes in his heart, his fear telling him to run and his anger telling him to yell. His first instinct was to listen to his fear, but Neil’s eyes were staring into him as if he could see that battle in his heart and his stare only made the fire burn brighter. Neil was nothing if not an instigator. His anger won out. 

He huffed before making direct eye contact, making sure Neil understood the gravity of what he was saying. “I do need your skill on the court and I do need someone to protect me, but I can get that anywhere. What I really need is you. _I need you_.” 

He stepped forward and looked at Neil’s cheek, thinking of his own tattoo, thinking of what was supposed to be, of how Neil was supposed to be one of them. The image from the winter banquet of Riko taking his hand and rubbing his thumb over Neil’s cheekbone was burned into his mind, a simple gesture, a touch that was supposed to be filled with warmth, and it made Kevin sick. Sick because Riko was a vengeful and spiteful bastard and because of that, he had an awful feeling that this was the last time he would see Neil’s cheek bare. 

He leaned his head down almost too close, close enough to where he could see the outline of the brown contacts in Neil’s eyes. “Please stay. Please stay with me. I can’t— I _won’t_ lose both of you.” 

“You’re not— I can’t— I can't just give up. This isn’t me leaving for shits and giggles. I’m doing this for Andrew. I’m doing this to get him back and keep him _safe_ ,” Neil protested, but his voice was breaking and Kevin took that as a sign that he might actually have a chance. 

“Then let us keep him safe together, as a team. This isn’t going to help, Neil. I—I can’t let him hurt both of you. I won’t. That bastard has already done enough.” 

Neil looked so incredibly conflicted, but then his face evened out. He chuckled and looked up at Kevin through hooded eyes. “There’s your spine.”

Kevin started to glare and was about to snap at him when Neil reached up and rubbed a soft thumb over Kevin’s tattoo. Kevin shuddered from the sheer gentleness of the touch, eyes fluttering shut. “Kevin, they already hurt you. I can't let them hurt Andrew too. You can’t stop me, not on this. But what you can do is make me a promise.”

Kevin didn’t hesitate when he answered: “Anything, Neil. Anything.”

He almost jolted when he felt Neil move his thumb and he felt the soft press of lips replace it. He opened his eyes and almost smiled. Poor, tiny little Neil had to stand on his toes to reach him. “Be here when I get back. Don’t follow me, don’t run away. Stay with them, keep them safe for me. Please.”

“I—“

“Trust me. Just—Just trust me. I’m going to get him back, I swear it. I just need you to trust me.” It almost sounded like a plea; it was so different from anything Kevin had ever heard from Neil before and it made his chest ache. 

_Trust me_ , Neil said, as if Kevin hadn’t trusted him from the day Neil looked at him and said: “ _Take it._ ” 

_Trust me_ , he said as if Kevin hadn’t decided he would die for this boy the second Neil had the courage to draw Riko’s attention towards himself and away from Kevin the moment he saw Kevin flinch.

_Trust me_. 

And this time? This time, there was no fear to be found in Kevin Day’s heart. 

“Always.” 

—

_Always._

He had promised Neil that all those months ago, he’d given his word. 

_Always._

The word made Kevin want to cry, want to scream, want to punch someone. Any of those, all of the above. Neil was gone. He’d just gotten him back and he was fucking _gone_. 

_Always_. 

He promised to trust Neil and he did, he really did, but he didn’t trust him to watch over himself. That was what he and Andrew were supposed to be there for. And, of course, Neil knew that and of course, he left them behind in favor of braving it all alone. 

What hurt worse was that Kevin wanted with all his heart to protect him. This was the first time, _the first time_ , he wanted to run towards the danger and not away and he couldn’t even do that. Neil had made sure of that, the selfless bastard. God, he was so selfless. Too selfless, in fact. Kevin wanted to punch him. Then hug him. Maybe kiss him, if he got the chance.

He couldn’t believe that less than ten hours ago, he had Neil in his arms, he had been able to press his lips to Neil’s, to kiss his forehead, to rub his thumb gently over the tattoo under his eye. God, his past self was so ridiculously ungrateful. Now, he didn’t even know if Neil was _alive_ , and he was far from being able to hold him. He physically ached at the thought.

Kevin’s hands shook. He watched them, unable to stop them from moving, no matter the effort. He watched them until a hand moved to hover over them. He looked up and blinked away tears to see that Andrew was perched on the edge of his seat. The bruise that marred the area around his eye and the hit that had caused it also caused blood to cover half of Andrew’s eye. It hurt Kevin to look at. 

“Yes or no,” Andrew murmured. Kevin nodded and slid over to give him more room to sit. Andrew slid closer to him, further than he had to, further than Kevin thought he would, until their thighs were touching, before he interlaced their fingers. Kevin melted at the touch, slumping over until his head was almost touching Andrew’s shoulder before he paused. “Yes,” Andrew said, without Kevin having to ask. 

Kevin rested his head on Andrew’s shoulder and shuddered. “Andrew?”

“What?”

“I’m scared. For Neil. I—I don’t know what to do.”

Andrew sighed before leaning his head on top of Kevin’s. “There’s nothing we _can_ do.” 

Kevin knew that. It didn’t stop his heart from clenching in anger at the statement, though. “I hate this.”

They were silent for a second before Andrew whispered, “I hate it too.” 

Kevin almost moved to look at Andrew, not expecting that level of vulnerability from him, but he knew Andrew well enough to know that being stared at would only drive him away, so Kevin simply squeezed his hand gently. “I just— I just want him back. I knew I should’ve never let him out of my sight, I _saw_ how tense he was—”

“Hey. No,” Andrew snapped. He squeezed Kevin’s hand tightly. “There was nothing you or I could do.”

“Doesn’t make me feel any less guilty.” 

Andrew sighed and turned his head to lay a quick kiss to Kevin’s forehead. Kevin rubbed his face into the crook of Andrew’s neck, trying to hold back tears, both from how worried he was for Neil and from the softness of the gesture. “I know. But this isn’t your fault. It’s the fault of his father and his father’s people. Not you. Not _us_.” 

“Hey,” Kevin called softly after a moment. He turned his head until their foreheads were resting together. “He’s going to be okay, right? We’re going to get him back?” 

“We are,” Andrew said. “I know your boy—“

“Our boy, you mean,” Kevin said quietly, maybe a little teasingly, looking up. Andrew scoffed, but his expression softened.

“Our boy,” he conceded before continuing. “I know _our_ boy. I know he won’t stop until he’s with us again. I know that he won’t give up, not now and not ever. Because he’s _Neil_ , the stubborn, selfless, reckless bastard.” 

Kevin scoffed. “Fair point.” 

They sat in silence for a moment and Kevin stared into Andrew’s eyes and watched the conflict swim through them, emotions swirling from fear, to hesitance, to that familiar determination that never failed to make Kevin weak in the knees. 

Andrew raised his hands and tangled them in Kevin’s hair, tugging just enough to be felt but not enough to hurt, leaning forward softly. His lips brushed Kevin’s when he asked, “Can I kiss you?”

Kevin nodded and Andrew pressed his lips to Kevin’s, hard and fast and determined. He stole Kevin’s breath with a simple touch and Kevin dug his fingernails into his palms to keep them from touching Andrew. It didn’t matter if he was being more touchy than usual, he was still in a vulnerable state and Kevin refused to violate his trust. Because it wasn’t the touch that did Kevin in, no matter how intoxicating it was. It was the trust, the fact that Kevin was one of the only people Andrew allowed within his walls. It was the way Andrew curled one hand into Kevin’s hair and used the other to lightly touch his tattoo. He’d noticed that both Andrew and Neil made it a point to touch Kevin’s tattoo, as if they could change the meaning behind it, as if they could change the reason behind it. They would never be able to erase the memories of knives beneath his skin, of bitter smiles and eyes as sharp as nails, but Kevin appreciated it all the same. 

When Andrew pulled back, his lips were red and bitten, crooked into a small smile; the smile was chilling and yet somehow soft. “Well, we always knew this was going to end in flames. Let’s just hope our boy doesn’t get burnt too badly in the blaze.” 

—

Kevin was tired of being afraid. 

His temporary resolve crumbled the second Andrew left the room with Wymack. He’d slid against the wall, bringing his knees to his chest and hiding his head in his arms. His nails dug so tightly into his arms that he could feel the skin break, but the pain was the only thing grounding him without Andrew there. 

The fear was overwhelming; it took over as if it were a wave crushing Kevin against the shore, allowing a moment of reprieve before another came to drown him again.

The other Foxes didn’t bother him, all of them struggling to deal with their fear in their own ways. Nicky was talking to Abby, who was sorting through her medical stuff, as if she was preparing for the worst, even if Neil was coming straight from the hospital. Aaron hadn’t broken eye-contact with the wall, hands clenched into fists. Renee and Allison huddled together on one of the beds, Allison running her fingers through Renee’s hair and occasionally whispering to her. Dan and Matt were laid down on the other bed, Dan holding Matt to her chest and rubbing his back, comforting him despite the obvious fear and tension on her face. Matt hadn’t said a word since Wymack had gotten the call. Kevin would’ve felt bad for underestimating how much Matt and Dan cared for Neil if he had the energy. 

He shuddered whenever he looked at the door, expecting Neil to be stepping through at any second. He didn’t know if he was eager to see Neil walk through the door or if he was scared. One part of him longed to have confirmation that Neil was alive, that he had survived, and the other knew that there was no way Neil would be coming through that door unharmed and he didn’t know if he could handle seeing him injured, knowing that he could’ve stopped it if he had just _paid attention_ —

There was a knock at the door.

Kevin stood up so fast that he almost gave himself whiplash, watching with nothing but tension as the door opened and one of the FBI agents stepped through. “You only have twenty minutes, so I suggest you use it wisely.”

If his words angered Kevin, then they infuriated Dan. She gently shoved Matt off of her and then quickly pushed herself off the bed, glaring with the fire of a thousand suns as she snapped, “Twenty minutes? You've got to be joking. Why do—oh my god," she broke off when Neil came through the door. Kevin felt time stop. He made eye-contact with Neil and wanted to cry. The bandages on his face made him look even smaller, if that was possible. 

He hesitated before taking a step forward, but the second Neil saw him move, he started moving too and Kevin met him halfway. He stopped abruptly in front of him, pausing to look him over up close. His hands were covered in thick bandages and his face looked even worse this close. Kevin reached out, a gentle offer. Neil practically threw himself into Kevin’s arms and finally, _finally_ , Kevin could feel him, could feel his weight, his heartbeat, _him_.

Neil’s arms wrapped around his neck and Kevin clung to his waist, hiding his face in the crook of Neil’s neck. He couldn’t find it in himself to be bothered by the uncomfortable arch of his back when Neil was _right here_ and he was _alive_. 

Neil’s breath shuddered against his face and Kevin had to hold back tears when he realized that Neil was shaking like a leaf. 

“Where’s Andrew? Is he okay?” Neil’s voice was so hoarse and fragile that it practically forced the tears from Kevin’s eyes. He tried his best to blink them away before pulling back and resting his forehead on Neil’s as gently as he could. 

“He’s fine, he’s with—”

The door slammed open with enough force to dent the wall. Kevin looked up and Neil let go to turn around and see Andrew attempting to shove his way past two agents. The second Andrew saw them, it was no longer an attempt. Kevil almost pitied the agents. One agent was shoved into a wall and the other was shoved to the ground and Andrew bolted for Neil and Kevin. He stopped in his tracks, reaching out for Neil’s face. He pulled down Neil’s hood and the controlled anger in his face made Kevin feel a sort of satisfied, satisfied that he wasn’t the only one with an unbelievable amount of anger within him.

Neil reached out and gently ran his fingers over the dark bruise that marred Andrew’s face. “All that time fighting,” he said. “And you never learned how to duck?” 

Andrew gave him a withering look, but apparently Neil had amused himself. He started laughing, the sound hysterical and strained, then his laughter turned to harsh shaking before he practically collapsed to the floor, still holding onto Andrew. Kevin near threw himself down next to him, trying to put himself in Neil’s line of sight to distract him from whatever was making him hyperventilate. Andrew was faster and more efficient, if not colder. He kneeled in front of him and grabbed Neil’s face in his hands, raising him to eye level. “Neil. Neil Josten, stop it right now.” 

Kevin heard the FBI agent try and interrupt, try and say that Andrew was being cruel, but he saw deeper than that. He saw the way that Andrew had placed his hands, meticulously making sure that he wasn’t touching the bandages at all. He saw the way that his fingers gently curled into Neil’s hair and how Andrew’s eyes didn’t hold any signs of anger, only worry and desperation. He also saw Andrew look at him and when he did, he took the hand closest to Kevin off Neil’s face and offered it to him. When Kevin accepted, he dragged him closer to Neil and there they huddled, the three of them, so broken, yet somehow able to find comfort in each other, even if they would occasionally scratch each other on their broken edges.

He was trying his best to ignore the shocked expressions on the faces of everyone in the room. It only partially worked. 

Kevin raised his other hand to Neil’s face and gently pushed his fingers through the tangled mess that was Neil’s hair. Neil shivered at the touch, opening his beautiful blue eyes and looking up at him through damp lashes. Somehow, crying only made him even more lovely. “I didn’t run,” he croaked out. 

Kevin laughed breathlessly, moving his hand to cradle Neil’s face and he reached over to lay a gentle kiss on Neil’s forehead. “No, no you didn’t. I’m so proud of you, you know that? I’m so proud of you.” 

“And angry with you,” Andrew huffed. Kevin glared at him without much heat out of the corner of his eye, but he knew there was no hostility in the comment. “Why didn’t you tell us what was happening? Not even a sign?”

Neil looked back and forth between them as if he couldn’t decide which one he needed to look at more. “I wanted to, but they were in there with us—”

“Who was?” One of the agents interrupted. Neil rolled his eyes, ever the smartass. He looked at Andrew and switched to German, sending an apologetic glance to Kevin. 

Kevin was perfectly okay with Neil not paying attention to him. It gave him time to examine Neil in detail. He didn’t know what he was looking for exactly. Maybe he just wanted to stare without interruption. If so, he was entirely valid, in his opinion. The last time he’d seen Neil, Neil had been smiling at him, smiling with enough emotion behind it to make Kevin’s heart skip a beat, no injuries to be seen. Now, he had more bandages than Kevin had ever seen on one person before, including under his left eye, where his tattoo was—

Wait. 

Kevin reached up and tapped the bandages covering Neil’s left cheek with as much gentleness as physically possible. Neil seemed to get his meaning and turned his head towards Kevin, so with a little help from Andrew, Kevin gently pulled off the bandages. He physically recoiled when he saw what had been done, falling back on his hands. He practically felt the blood rush from his face. 

The tattoo was gone and in its place were the most gruesome burns Kevin had ever seen. The skin was melted and twisted in a way that made Kevin too conscious of the contents of his stomach. He vaguely heard Wymack curse, but it sounded like he was underwater. On one hand, he was angry that Neil was suffering. He was disgusted that someone had the _nerve_ to touch his boy like that. But on the other, memories of punches and knives and cruel, cold smiles were flooding his memories. Memories where he’d let the sharpie on his face fade a little too much for Riko’s liking, memories when Riko had made sure to stake his claim on Kevin after Kevin had expressed reluctance at getting the numbers tattooed. 

“He’s going to kill you for that,” Kevin deadpanned in French. Thankfully his voice didn’t betray the fear he felt. “He’ll consider it a threat. An act of defiance.”

Neil just scoffed, as stubborn as always, before saying in English, “He can try.”

“Who can try what?” Without thinking, Neil turned in the direction of the Fox who’d said it. Dan instantly reached out to grab Matt and pull him down. He had been trying to stand, face clouded with more anger than Kevin had ever seen from him. Renee, even as calm as she was, couldn’t hide her shock and Allison looked as if she wanted to murder someone. Nicky visibly gagged and reached out to Aaron for support. Even Aaron, as much as he hated Neil, looked sickened. 

Abby apparently felt as if she was needed, because she grabbed her medical kit and started to walk over. Andrew forcibly turned Neil’s face back towards him and glared at her with so much anger behind it that it hurt Kevin even though it wasn’t aimed at him. Frankly, Kevin had to support the glare. Everyone knew that Neil had just gotten out of the hospital and there was nothing Abby could do. And even more honestly, Kevin didn’t feel like losing sight of Neil just for Abby to worry over him. Not for a while, at least. 

“Abby, no. Not right now,” Kevin said gently. Abby wasn’t deterred in the slightest.

“He’s hurt, I can help,” she tried to reason. Kevin rolled his eyes, but thankfully, Andrew handled it. His glare had sharpened to the point where it might as well have been a blade. Kevin genuinely had no idea how Abby hadn’t been cut yet. 

“Leave us alone or you will not live to regret it.” 

The scariest thing was that Kevin didn’t mind how violent Andrew was being. 

Neil, however, seemed to mind. He was always more empathetic than Kevin anyways. He reached up with his bandaged hands and framed Andrew’s face without touching. Once he’d made eye contact, he reached out one hand without looking away from Andrew and Kevin sighed when Neil cradled his cheek. He said over his shoulder, “Abby, I’m fine. I just got out of the hospital. You can look at them later.” 

“But—” 

With a roll of his eyes, Kevin snapped, “No, Abby, he said _no_ . Back _off_.” 

Abby left with a reluctant frown, but Kevin was too relieved by the tension leaving Andrew’s body to care about her.

Neil turned to Kevin and gave him a gentle smile, rubbing his thumb across Kevin’s cheek. In quiet French, he asked, “What have they told you?” 

Kevin shook his head. “Not much. Just that you were taken and that you’re alive. Was it your father?”

Neil nodded grimly. “Yes. He’s dead now. My uncle executed him.” 

Kevin sighed with relief and Neil laughed under his breath. “Yeah, that’s how I felt.” 

Kevin smiled fondly, reaching up to cover Neil’s hand with his own. “You’re free now. I’m so proud of you.”

“You’ve already said that.”

“Doesn’t make it any less true.”

“I guess. And according to them,” Neil gestured towards the door, “I’m not free yet. They want to put me in Witness Protection.” 

“Oh hell no,” Kevin said without hesitation. “That’s not happening. If you go into that, _they_ will think you’re spilling your guts. Their fancy FBI shit won’t be able to protect you. I’m not letting that happen.” 

Andrew leaned in. He waited for Neil and Kevin to understand that he wanted them to lean in too before whispering, “He told you? About their stupid plan?” 

Kevin nodded. “It’s not happening. Not if I can help it.”

“Not if _we_ can help it,” Andrew corrected. It was supposed to be a snide remark, but Andrew saying _we_ like that made Kevin’s heart race. Even if Kevin had met Andrew first, he still sometimes felt as if he were barging in on something special between Andrew and Neil and he knew Neil didn’t feel like that, but Andrew had always kept his emotions under lock as key and rarely acknowledged Kevin’s part in—

Well, whatever this was. 

Kevin reached out a hand to Andrew and when Andrew gently tangled their fingers together, he felt as if his heart was going to explode. 

Neil broke him out of his longing stare session with a soft laugh. “Yeah, there’s no way in hell any of us are letting it happen. But, I’m still going to need to go in for questions.” He paused, eyes glancing back and forth between Kevin and Andrew before finally landing on Kevin. “I need you to do something for me,” he said in French. 

Kevin nodded. Neil’s eyes were harder than they were before and the tears had faded, thank god. “I need you to stay behind.”

Nevermind. Kevin preferred him crying to him saying stupid shit.

“Absolutely not,” Kevin tried to say gently, but it still sounded like a snap. Even if Andrew didn’t understand the language, he still caught Kevin’s tone and his eyebrows creased. “I’m not leaving your side again.”

“If you go with me, _they’ll_ assume _you’re_ spilling your guts. It’ll put you in danger,” Neil tried to bargain, but fuck the Moriyamas, Kevin wasn’t taking this.

“I don’t care. Let them think what they want, I don’t want to leave you.”

“You might not want to but you _have_ to, Kevin.”

“I don’t _have_ to do anything! I don’t trust them not to throw you in Witness Protection anyways!” 

“Then trust me,” Neil snapped. When Kevin startled at his harsh tone, Neil sighed and he reached out to lay a bandaged hand on Kevin’s cheek. He leaned up and kissed Kevin’s forehead, lips lingering. The touch soothed Kevin from head to toe and he was leaning into it before he realized what he was doing. Neil leaned his head down and then nudged his nose against Kevin’s, lips only a short distance away, waiting for Kevin to bridge the gap. Kevin hesitated for a second, thinking of Neil’s burns, but he had been longing to be able to kiss Neil since they last parted. He gently touched his lips to Neil’s, sighing in relief against Neil’s mouth. 

When he pulled back, he kept his forehead against Neil’s and softly kissed the tip of Neil’s nose before continuing in French. He saw a glimpse of Renee glaring at the others and attempting to make them avert their gazes, but he focussed his energy on Neil. he could deal with their reactions later, although he _did_ appreciate Renee trying to help. “I do trust you,” Kevin murmured. “I always have and I always will. I just…”

Neil nodded with a sigh. “I know. I don't want to leave you either. I just don’t want to put you in danger again.” The hidden tone of resentment made Kevin want to shank him. He knew for a _fact_ that Neil was referencing his provoking of Riko and the Moriyamas, which in itself was ridiculous. If anything, Kevin dragged Neil into this mess. If anything, Kevin was the one who put Neil in danger. 

“Hey, any danger I’m in is worth it if it involves you. Everything that I go through, if I go through it for you? It’s worth it. Never doubt that.”

Neil frowned, eyes tearing up again. “You deserve better than that. You deserve better than _this_.” 

“ _Neil_ ,” Kevin startled, his voice breaking. He let go of Andrew’s hand after a quick squeeze and gently held Neil’s face between his palms. “Don’t say that. _Please_ don’t say shit like that, as if I haven’t put you in just as much danger by simply existing. Besides,” he wiped under Neil’s eyes, keeping the tears away from his burns, “I like to think I deserve what I have.” 

Neil shuddered, but he nodded. How broken he was, the obvious vulnerability, it made Kevin’s decision for him. “I’ll have you know that I don’t want to stay, but I will if you want me to.” 

Neil relaxed, finally, tension seeping from his body. He kissed Kevin quickly, too quickly for Kevin’s liking, and smiled softly. “Thank you,” he said in English. “You’re amazing.” That smile, that beautiful smile, however broken it was, however clouded with conflict it was, it was still so, so beautiful. 

Neil himself was absolutely beautiful in ways Kevin couldn’t comprehend. He tried to tell Neil that whenever he could, but Neil hated it. He always brought up how similar his appearance was to his father’s, but as someone who had met the man, the only similarities Kevin saw were the blue eyes and auburn hair. So he focused on kissing the words into Neil’s skin instead. 

He told Neil how fascinating his eyes were when he laid gentle kisses upon his eyelids. He pointed out how adorable his freckles were by tracing constellations on his skin. He showed him how adorable his height was when he traced the lines of Neil’s body with his lips. He told Neil how beautiful he was when he kissed him and put everything he couldn’t say into the touch. 

God, how he wished he could do any of those things now. It was so unfortunate that they were surrounded by people, because Kevin longed to be able to be alone with Andrew and Neil, so he could hold them and kiss them and reassure himself that everything was okay. That everything was going to be okay. 

Neil spoke a few quick words in German to Andrew, who frowned before looking to Kevin. “Will you be okay?” Andrew asked. Kevin almost melted at the rare display of concern, but focused on giving him a small smile instead. Andrew was still so uncomfortable with showing emotion, even when he felt safe, so Kevin took everything he was given to heart and held it close. He leaned over, nudging his nose against Andrew’s, a silent question that Andrew answered by kissing him. Kevin broke off before he could listen to his instinct to deepen the kiss and kissed Andrew’s forehead. 

He wished he was surprised when he saw money changing hands amongst the Upperclassmen. The only thing that surprised him was an ashamed Renee handing a wad of cash to a smirking Allison. He rolled his eyes and turned his focus back to Andrew. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. Focus on taking care of our boy, okay?” 

Andrew sighed, his disapproval obvious, but he nodded. “Be careful. No provoking the rat while I’m gone.”

Kevin scoffed. “Please, that’s Neil’s job.” 

Neil made an indignant noise, but the corner of Andrew’s mouth twitched and that was enough for Kevin. 

Kevin helped Neil to his feet, letting Andrew get to his feet on his own. He gently placed his hands on Neil’s neck and leaned down to kiss his forehead. “Be safe. Be careful. I—” Kevin hesitated, feeling as if there was something else he was supposed to say. When he couldn’t find anything, he continued as if he’d never paused. “I’m proud of you. I’m so, so proud of you.”

Neil smiled up at him, rubbing his hands up and down Kevin’s arms. He reached up and tapped a finger to Kevin’s forehead. Kevin scoffed playfully before leaning down just enough for Neil to reach him, relishing in the feeling of Neil’s lips on his forehead. 

“I’ll be careful if you are,” Neil taunted. “Don’t make me get Matt to make sure you aren’t drinking.”

Kevin turned when he heard a chuckle, glaring lightly at Matt, who looked damn near gleeful with his task. With a roll of his eyes, he turned back to Neil, kissing him once before letting go. He looked at Andrew and smiled, reaching to lightly rub his thumb over Andrew’s cheek after letting his hand hover long enough for Andrew to nod. Andrew grabbed his sleeve and yanked Kevin towards him hard enough to knock him off balance. 

(Allison looked almost gleeful in the background, whispering to Renee, who looked as if she was struggling to hide a smile. Aaron was glaring at Kevin with full force while Nicky practically vibrated with excitement next to him, yanking his sleeve. Dan and Matt looked disgustingly fond.) 

Andrew dragged Kevin’s face down to his, leaning in and whispering quiet enough for only Kevin to hear. “You’ll be here when I get back?” 

Kevin stared in shock for a few seconds before Andrew got tired of the silence. “Can I kiss you, yes or no?” He muttered. 

Kevin nodded, but when Andrew raised an eyebrow, he murmured a quiet _yes_. Andrew pulled him into a kiss that felt as if it was going to bruise his lips, fingers digging into his cheekbones, but not his nails, never his nails. Kevin tried to kiss back with as much passion, but Andrew pulled away far too soon. “Be here when I get back,” Andrew insisted, voice still quiet. It would’ve been a plea if Andrew didn’t hate the word. 

Kevin nodded, not daring to smile when Andrew was being this serious, this emotional. “Always.” 

—

The blood in Kevin’s ears roared as loudly as the crowd. Too many times, he’d turned to the home side and seen the Raven strikers targeting Andrew, seen Riko trip Neil. He was tired, he was angry, he ached from the inside out. His hand burned, but he wasn’t sure if that one was from how sore he was or from the impact of seeing his former teammates on the court, of being this close to Riko.

Dan and the backliners were doing their best to get the ball down the court, but the Ravens were incredible. Kevin was mature enough to recognize that their enemy was better then they were, always would be. The Ravens were selected based on pure skill alone. There was no other requirement. They were a hive mind, bred for the game. 

But the Foxes had one thing they didn’t. They had the family they’d made for themselves, out of broken bones and deep cuts, out of night clubs and shots, out of anger and hate and determination and love. They’d taken their broken pieces from their different puzzles and their different worlds and made a new puzzle, one where they weren’t forced to obey or to conform. Where the undeniable darkness within each and every one of them wasn’t amplified or suppressed, but understood. Where even after punches and threats and unforgivable acts and arguments, they all had someone at their back.

Kevin made eye contact with Dan, looked to where Neil was being pummeled (within the rules of exy) by Riko once again, and Dan’s fire met his ice in the middle. She nodded, fierce determination in her eyes, and took off, Kevin close behind. He barely registered what followed, only that the seconds were slowly ticking down, that the game would end soon and they were still tied and that they wouldn’t survive a shootout. The one minute buzzer sounded and he saw Neil fall and _this—_

Dan’s anger showed through the barely legal checks she made to get the ball, in the way that the next thing Kevin knew, she was looking at him and he was running as far as he could towards the Raven’s goal and then the ball was in his racquet. He only had to take five steps, and before he threw the ball with everything he had in him, he only had one thought:

_This is for them_.

The buzzer of the goal sounded a split second before the time ran out. 

Kevin barely recognized that he’d made an impossible shot in the last second of the game before he’d turned around, eyes searching for Andrew and Neil. He saw Andrew first, relief flooding him when he realized he was okay, then tensing when he realized Neil hadn’t gotten up, that he was on the ground, beneath Riko and Riko was raising his racquet, aiming at Neil and then Kevin was running but he was going to be too late—

Andrew’s racquet caught Riko at the wrist. Kevin heard the all too familiar shattering of bones and for the first time since they were twelve, when Tetsuji had hit Riko with his cane for the first time on the court, he heard Riko scream in pain. The true difference was that Kevin didn’t feel the pain as if it were his own, as he had for so long. He only felt anger, anger that Riko had tried to hurt someone he loved _again_. 

Kevin saw Dan crouch in front of Neil and felt a quick flash of appreciation before he moved to stand beside Andrew, holding his racquet in his right hand, ready to swing if Riko or any of the Ravens now surrounding him tried to get to Neil again. Andrew seemed indifferent to the screaming mess Riko had become and it almost made Kevin smile. He had to force his face to match Andrew’s, but his left hand gently brushed Andrew’s, a silent question of _are you okay_? passed through the touch. The corner of Andrew’s lips twitched and Kevin let his hand fall back to his side. 

The medics that were always on standby at any game had pushed the Ravens aside and were now tending to Riko. Trusting that Riko and the Ravens wouldn’t try anything with an outside presence now on the court, Kevin turned his back on the person who’d given him everything, the person who’d taken it away, the person who’d made Kevin and then torn him apart. 

Kevin turned his back on Riko Moriyama for the last time. 

He was almost proud of how well he masked his urgency when pushing through the other Foxes to get to Neil. Dan moved when she saw him approaching and he fell to his knees in front of Neil, grateful for the kneepads that made the fall bearable; He didn’t have the energy to fall gracefully. 

“Hey starshine,” Kevin murmured in French, pulling Neil close and examining his face, frowning at the budding bruises. After tilting his face mask up, he took Neil’s hands in his and gently kissed the parts of his wrists left uncovered by his gloves. “Did you have fun?”

“Fuck you, Day,” Neil muttered. “Stop looking so fucking cheeky.” Despite his glare, he reached to take Kevin’s helmet the rest of the way off. Kevin was truly grateful for the Foxes surrounding him because he didn’t have the energy to do anything but tip forwards and lean his forehead on Neil’s and he didn’t want to deal with the press interrogating him about Neil. Neil reached for his hands and Kevin let him hold them between them. Neil took the glove off of Kevin’s left hand and softly rubbed his thumb over the scarred skin, frowning when Kevin winced. “You pushed yourself too hard yet again, Kev. Can I say I told you so?”

“Can I stop you?” Kevin muttered. A tap on his shoulder meant turning his head to look at whoever did it and he grinned when he saw Andrew. “Hey Minyard. That hit help your anger issues at all?”

Andrew simply rolled his eyes.

“I’m going to go out on a limb and say _no_ ,” Kevin quipped. Andrew scoffed, but helped Kevin to his feet, using his left hand to pull him up and checking it the same way Neil did, clicking his tongue when Kevin winced. “That simply won’t do, Day. You’re icing this when we get out of here.”

“Bossy,” Kevin muttered, but he caught the way Andrew softly squeezed his hand before letting go and he smiled as he helped Neil to his feet. 

When the security guards came to them and asked for them to follow them in order to get their stories on what happened with Riko, the Foxes walked off together, Neil in the middle of them all, Andrew on his left and Kevin on his right, the rest of the group mixed together, no longer separated between ‘Monsters’ and ‘Upperclassmen’. Renee’s arm was looped around Nicky’s, Matt was dodging Aaron’s punch when he ruffled his hair, Dan was teasing Kevin about one of her particularly good passes. They all occasionally sent Neil worried glances, but the boy in question was beaming bright enough to blind any oblivious onlookers. He looked happier than Kevin had ever seen him, he looked as happy as Kevin felt.

They left that court as a team, as a family. 

For the first time since the school was founded, the Palmetto State Foxes left the court as Class I champions. 

—

Kevin couldn’t stop staring at his tattoo. 

He knew it had been changed, he knew there was no longer a number there, but he couldn’t stop staring at it. For a second, he wished he’d taken a knife to his own face instead of covering the old tattoo. At least then he could blame the removal on an accident. He couldn’t say that he’d accidentally tripped over his own feet and stumbled right into a tattoo needle. 

Riko would destroy him for this.

Riko was going to _destroy_ him for this. 

_Riko’s gone_ , he tried to tell himself. _He’s dead. He died months ago. He can’t hurt you anymore._

_False,_ the ugly part of him sneered. _It’s only a matter of time before he’s back and he’ll be more angry than ever. And you brought this on yourself._

He shuddered before looking away from the mirror and reaching for the door to the medicine cabinet. Waiting for him was a half-empty bottle of rum and he choked at the taste as it went down, but drank two more gulps before the taste could ward him off. He put the bottle back and leaned against the wall, sliding down to sit with his head leaned against the wall, looking up at the shitty ceiling. 

It only took a few minutes for the rum to kick in, making the room spin whenever he so much as shifted. He tried to get up, but fell back down when a wave of dizziness took over. He giggled at his own failure, but reached for the sink to attempt to pull himself to his feet. There was a knock at the door that startled him into falling down again. He laughed outright this time. One of the best strikers in Class I Exy and he couldn’t even stand up correctly. Made sense. Riko _did_ always tell him what a failure he was whenever he pushed him down. 

“Kevin? Kevin are you okay?” 

It was Neil’s voice, full of concern. Kevin blinked, not used to hearing that from him. He clumsily reached for the doorknob from the ground and pushed it open. Neil stepped through, looking from the open medicine cabinet where the rum bottle stood out against the pill bottles down to wear Kevin sat, legs bunched against his chest, still quietly giggling. “Christ,” was all he said. 

Kevin laughed at that, leaning his head against the wall and looking up at Neil. God, his eyes were so beautiful. “Hey, gorgeous. What brings you here?”

“Your mental breakdown, apparently,” Neil scoffed. He crouched and grabbed Kevin’s upper arms to pull him to his feet. Kevin tried to help as much as he could, but he slumped on Neil when he finally made it to his feet. He buried his face in the crook of Neil’s neck and giggled. In between giggling fits, he kissed the freckles dotting Neil’s neck and shoulders, relishing in Neil’s shiver. 

“Your freckles are like stars. Like fuckin’... constellations.” He pulled back with a giggle before kissing the ones across Neil’s nose. “You’re covered in stars, babe. Starshine. Can I call you starshine?”

Neil’s face went red, but he nodded and Kevin beamed before nuzzling back into Neil’s neck. 

“Hey, starshine? Can I tell you a secret?”

Neil sighed, rubbing Kevin’s back. “I doubt I can stop you.”

Kevin nuzzled further, sighing in content. Neil smelled so good. Kevin hated cigarettes and he hated Andrew and Neil’s smoking habit, but he couldn’t deny that Neil smelled good when he smelled like cigarettes. “I love your neck fetish. It tickles, but like, in a good way. It’s also really cute. _You’re_ really cute. Like those cutie oranges.” He pulled back and giggled, lightly poking Neil’s nose. “You’re almost as small as them, too.”

Neil rolled his eyes. “Fuck you, at least I’m taller than Andrew.”

“By three inches,” Kevin giggled. “You’re both so _tiny_. How are you so small? Did you not drink your milk? Like, just grow.”

“Height isn’t a choice, Kevin.”

“Yes it is.”

“If it was, I’d be taller than you.”

Kevin snorted at that before hugging Neil and rubbing his head on the top of Neil’s. “Okay, sweetheart.”

Neil startled at that. Why, Kevin didn’t know. He thought Neil liked his affection. He pulled back enough to pout. “Do you not like it when I’m being soft?”

Neil simply pulled him back into the hug and rubbed his hands up and down Kevin’s back. “No, I like it when you’re affectionate. I just like it when you’re affectionate and _sober_.”

Kevin continued pouting, but he was happy to keep hugging Neil. However small he was, he was super warm. He was like a miniature space heater. “I’m sorry I’m drunk. But, consider this! Everything hurts less when I’m drunk!” He laughed and nuzzled into Neil’s curls. “When I’m drunk, thinking about Riko, that motherfucker, isn’t scary. You know, he’s short too. Didn’t stop him from hurting me, his anger is taller than he is. His anger is probably taller than _Matt_ and that’s saying a _lot_. Matt is so tall.”

Neil’s hands froze. “Is that why you’re drinking? Because of Riko?”

Kevin hummed a confirmation. “I’m scared of him when I’m sober. I don’t know why. It’s probably because he hurt me so much.” He giggled into Neil’s curls. “He broke my hand, did you know that? He shattered the bones. I thought I was never going to play exy again. And then I thought that he was going to kill me for not being able to play exy. Why does everything revolve around exy? Exy is good, I guess. It’s fun. It’s why I met you and Andrew, so it’s worth it. I just don’t know why Riko hates me over it.”

“Riko is a piece of shit,” Neil said hoarsely. He sounded like he was in pain. Kevin hoped it wasn’t because he was putting his weight on him; he didn’t want to crush Neil. “He doesn’t deserve someone like you.”

Kevin giggled again, because Neil was right, just not for the reason he was implying. He heard the door open, felt Neil look at who entered, but he didn’t have the energy to care who it was, so he ignored it. “No, he deserved better. He always made sure to tell me that, that I wasn’t good enough for him.” He laughed again. “You want to hear something funny? He kissed me a lot, but it was more biting than kissing. He fucked me a lot too, way too much. It hurt a lot. He spent the whole time telling me I wasn’t good enough for him and that I should’ve been grateful to be near him. I still let him, though. I don’t know why. I think it was because I kind of loved him? I mean, he made me who I am.” 

Neil’s hands gripped Kevin’s shirt. “Kevin—”

“He hurt me,” Kevin whimpered. His giggling had finally died out. He couldn’t bring himself to laugh again. He really, really wanted to feel like laughing again, but he felt so _heavy_ . “He _hurt_ me. But it wasn’t his fault, right? I wasn’t good enough. That’s my fault.” 

He heard the clatter of keys on the counter, but he didn’t turn around. He really, really didn’t want to let go of Neil. He didn’t turn around until someone grabbed his shirt and pulled. Neil let go and Kevin spun until Andrew was standing in front of him. His face was full of anger and it made Kevin wince. The second Andrew saw his flinch, he let go of Kevin’s shirt and stepped back and the anger slid from his expression.

“Not your fault,” Andrew said firmly, tone unwavering. There was absolutely no room for argument in his statement. “It wasn’t your fault. Jesus _fuck_ , Day. Riko is a piece of shit. He didn’t deserve better than you, you were already better than he was, than he could ever be. He’s a mentally unbalanced piece of shit, but that isn’t your fault. It’s his fault. You did absolutely _nothing_ wrong.”

Kevin had never heard this level of emotion from Andrew before. He was always so apathetic, even with his knife against someone’s skin, his voice and his expression would never betray his feelings. He didn’t know why Andrew was so emotional now. “But—”

“Don’t argue with me,” Andrew snapped. He finally wavered, looking pale. “Just— Don’t. Okay? You’re the one who deserved better than him.”

Kevin was confused now. What Andrew was saying conflicted everything he’d ever known. “Me?”

Andrew nodded and Kevin was surprised to see tears in his eyes. “Yeah, you. Dear God, is this why you’ve always been so scared of him?”

Kevin shrugged. “He just—He always told me—”

“Anything he told you was a lie,” Neil said, coming around to stand next to Andrew. “He’s a horrible, jealous bitch. You deserved better. You still deserve better.” Andrew nodded. 

Kevin smiled, tearing up. “But I already have better. I have you guys.” 

Andrew’s tears spilled over and he held out his arms. Kevin walked gratefully into them, letting loose of a building sob when Neil held both of them, rubbing Kevin’s back and stroking Andrew’s hair. 

Kevin rested his head on Andrew’s and smiled through his tears. “Do you guys understand how much you mean to me? How much _this_ means to me? I’ve only ever had,” he paused, trying to think of the word. He couldn’t. God, he hated trying to be coherent and drunk. “I’ve only had really bad shit in my life and you showed me that there was more than that. That the world didn’t start and end at exy. You showed me how to be _real_. You looked at me, a broken piece of shit, and promised me ‘always’.”

Andrew’s fingers dug into his back as Andrew hugged him tighter and Kevin leaned down to lay a kiss on each of their foreheads. “Thank you. For everything.”

Neil looked up at him and wiped away his tears. He kissed Kevin, slow and gentle, before pulling back only far enough to talk. “You never have to thank us for anything. Thanking us implies we did you a favor. We’re here because we care.” 

Kevin hummed, suddenly feeling so much lighter. He kissed Neil’s forehead again and then kissed the top of his head, knowing Neil loved when he did that. “Can we cuddle? Rum always makes me touchy and I want cuddles.”

Andrew scoffed. “ _Fine_ , I _guess_ that’s okay. But you’re being the little spoon.”

Kevin beamed. That was his favorite position anyways, Andrew at his back with his arm thrown around Kevin’s waist and Neil at his front, tucked into Kevin’s chest with his head against Kevin’s collarbone. He happily let Neil pull off his shirt and help him into a loose Palmetto State sweatshirt. He was already wearing sweatpants, so he just waited for Andrew to climb into bed before climbing after him. He kept a solid amount of space between him and Andrew, letting Andrew choose how close he got, before opening his arms for Neil. Neil snuggled against his chest and Andrew threw an arm over Kevin’s waist. Kevin sighed and nuzzled his face into Neil’s hair. He honestly didn’t think he could be happier. 

That was a lie. When they played the Ravens and beat them despite the odds, when Andrew damn near shut the Ravens out, when Neil, despite only playing as a backliner as a child and for two weeks at Evermore, faced Riko and kept him away from the goal, when Kevin managed to make an impossible goal in the last second of the game, _that_ was when Kevin had reached his happiest. 

“I know you told me not to say it,” Kevin murmured, eyes drooping. For all that rum was effective, it was also quickly gone. It always left him a soft and droopy mess. “But thank you. I really, really appreciate it.”

This time, they didn’t argue. Neil pressed a kiss to the underside of Kevin’s jaw and Andrew squeezed his waist. Kevin felt so unbelievably safe and comfortable. He felt—

He felt _love_ . He felt _home_.

He wanted to tell them. They deserved to hear it, even if they couldn’t say it back. 

_Maybe, maybe_. 

They dismissed so much that he said while he was drunk and soft anyways. Maybe they would dismiss this too if they didn’t want it.

He took a few deep breaths, fighting sleep, before saying just loudly enough for them to hear: “I’m in love with you. I love you both so much.” Still slightly drunk, he giggled. “To quote Jane Austen, ‘I love you. Most ardently’. Because I do. I love you.” 

Sleep took him into its grasp before he could process the quick squeeze on his hip and the gasp from Neil. 

—

Kevin woke with a strangled gasp, like he always did. His first instinct was to reach for Neil, but that side of the bed was empty, even if it was warm. Neil must’ve left for his early morning run.

He rolled over to make sure Andrew was there and froze when he saw Andrew was staring at the ceiling, breathing heavily with blank eyes. 

“Andrew? Andrew, love, are you okay?”

Andrew took a shuddering breath. “Talk,” he demanded. 

Kevin sat up, making sure he wasn’t touching Andrew, before leaning against the wall. “About what?”

“Anything. History, exy. Fucking hell, the history of exy. I don’t fucking care. Just talk.”

And that’s how Kevin knew it was bad, when Andrew voluntarily brought exy outside of the court. 

“Paul Revere never actually shouted ‘the British are coming’,” he blurted without thinking. “It was supposed to be a mission of stealth, and even then, most colonists still saw themselves as British so it would’ve just been confusing. And Lincoln was a wrestler. He only lost one match out of his three-hundred or so matches. He was also a licensed bartender.”

He rambled on through every American history fact he knew before rambling through European history facts and then Asian. His throat was already dry from sleep and the talking was just making it worse, but Andrew’s breathing was slowing and his shaking had lessened and he wasn’t willing to give up, not when it came to Andrew. 

Andrew reached a cautious hand up and grabbed Kevin’s. He dragged it to his hair and Kevin smiled softly before winding his fingers through the sleep mussed curls. He continued on, starting to bring in exy because who was he if he didn’t bring up exy when Andrew had given him permission?

“You know, when we first played the Ravens, when I saw that they had taken one-hundred and fifty shots and you had only let in thirteen, I almost cried. I was so proud of you.”

Andrew simply scoffed, but he didn’t tell Kevin to shut up, so Kevin continued. “You have some of the most impressive goalkeeping stats ever. You impress me more and more on and off the court everyday. I’m so unbelievably proud of you.” 

Andrew dragged Kevin’s hand from his hair to intertwine their fingers. He pressed a kiss to the back of Kevin’s hand and Kevin held back his relaxed sigh. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Nightmare,” Andrew muttered against Kevin’s hand. “From Easthaven.”

Kevin stiffened, but Andrew clenched his hand and he forced himself to calm down. “I— You’ve never talked about Easthaven. Are you sure you’re okay to do that? You don’t have to push yourself if you don’t feel comfortable—”

“Kevin?”

“Yes?”

“I don’t do anything I’m not comfortable with.”

Kevin nodded and looked down at Andrew while he talked, listening closely to every word, no matter how sick it made him to hear about how Andrew had been violated in a place that was supposed to be _safe_. It just made him want to kill Riko and Proust and every other man who’d ever taken advantage of Andrew, of his boy. 

Andrew spoke more than Kevin had seen him speak since he’d gotten off of his meds, not looking away from the ceiling, not waiting for Kevin’s response. 

When he finally quieted, Kevin had thrown up in his mouth more than once because of the horrors Andrew had described. He focussed his energy on rubbing soothing circles into the back of Andrew’s hand, paying attention to make sure he wasn’t doing anything Andrew didn’t want. Andrew saw his caution and rolled his eyes, but the tips of his ears reddened and that was enough.

“I wish I could kill him,” Kevin muttered. 

Andrew scoffed. “Which one?”

“Any of them. All of them.” He raised their linked hands and paused them a moment from his lips, waiting for Andrew’s nod before he pressed a kiss to Andrew’s knuckles. “I—I wish I knew. That you wouldn’t have been safe.”

“And what would you have done,” Andrew said bitterly, more of a statement than a question. “Bee approved. Wymack approved. There wasn’t much that you could’ve done. They would’ve just assumed you were scared.”

Kevin winced at the truth in Andrew’s statement. He sighed, sliding down the bed until he was parallel with Andrew. “I know. I just wish I could have spared you that pain. You deserve better.”

“If we got what we deserved,” Andrew quipped. Kevin knew the rest of his statement: _we wouldn’t be Foxes_. 

They laid in silence for a few minutes and Kevin’s eyes slowly drifted shut, comforted by the weight of Andrew’s body next to his, soothed by the feeling of Andrew’s hand in his. 

“I like what I have,” Andrew said, voice barely above a whisper. “And if it’s my past that brought me here, I—I think I’m okay with that.”

Kevin turned on his side, raising himself up on his elbow in order to look down at Andrew. There was little to no tension in his stare, only a blank expression and red cheeks. “Can I kiss your forehead?” He blurted. He almost felt silly, asking for such a small thing, but the way Andrew’s mouth twitched let him know that Andrew appreciated it. Andrew nodded, so Kevin leaned down and pressed a light kiss to Andrew’s forehead, lingering for a second before kissing again and pulling back. Andrew caught him with his free hand before he could go too far, pulling him back down and kissing him, soft and chaste. 

His lips lingered against Kevin’s, whispering, “I know you remember what you said last night. I know you weren’t drunk enough to not mean it.”

Kevin froze, but Andrew bit his lip in return for his tension. “Calm down, this isn’t a confrontation. Just a warning. We’re talking about this with Neil when that junkie gets back from his run. Okay?” Kevin nodded slowly, tension easing from his shoulders. Andrew kissed him on the nose before laying back down. He looked up at Kevin, almost smiling when he said, “You can lay your head on my shoulder. Waist and above, no legs.”

Kevin held back a grin as he settled on Andrew’s shoulder, hiding his beam in the fabric of Andrew’s hoodie. The softness Andrew was showing flooded his heart with hope, hope that maybe he hadn’t screwed this up.

“Are we going to be okay?” Kevin asked, soft and gentle. 

Andrew flicked him in the back of the head. He was silent for a second before whispering barely loud enough for Kevin to hear, “Always.”

—

It wasn’t long before Neil returned from his run, the opening and closing of the door waking both Andrew and Kevin, despite how soft the noise was. Neil’s panting, however, woke them fully. Andrew climbed over Kevin and damn near ran to Neil, grabbing the back of his neck and forcing Neil to sit down with his back against the door. Kevin was slower to his side, limbs heavy with sleep.

“Neil,” Andrew demanded. “Stop it.”

For once, Andrew’s demands didn’t put a pause in Neil’s gasps. Kevin reached out, running the backs of his knuckles over Neil’s cheek, trying a softer approach. “Neil? Starshine? Can you breathe for me?”

Neil looked at him through damp lashes and Kevin wanted to hold him and hide him from anyone that wasn’t Andrew. Neil mouthed words without making a sound. Kevin just rubbed slow circles and prayed to God that Neil was okay. “You’re okay, _étoile_. Just breathe for me. Breathe for me. Deep breaths.” 

Kevin eventually started talking in French, rambling in a soothing tone, telling Neil he was okay, that he was safe. His words combined with Andrew’s silent but constant support helped Neil out of his panic and he slumped against the door, breathing heavily, but not heaving anymore. He leaned into Andrew’s arm and raised his hand to cover Kevin’s with his own. 

“What happened?” Andrew asked, tension leaving him as Neil relaxed. 

Neil shivered. “I saw… I saw a man who looked like Romero. I could’ve sworn it was him, but then he turned and it wasn’t. But then everyone I saw looked like either him or Jackson and then they looked like my father and I was just running and it didn’t even feel _real_ —”

He choked on a sob and closed his eyes, hiding his face in Andrew’s palm. Andrew lightly tapped the side of his head and made him look towards Andrew and Kevin. “Go on,” Andrew said.

Neil took a shaky breath before continuing. “I just—It felt like I was Nathaniel again. Like I was running again. My skin was scratchy and I couldn’t _breathe_ and I kept feeling like I was being followed and I just—”

He cut himself off and shook his head. He didn’t speak again, so Kevin took his hand and held it, kissing his knuckles and his palm gently before lacing their fingers together. “You’re safe, Neil. You’re okay.”

Neil nodded, not looking convinced. “What else is going on?” Kevin asked, seeing through his act in a second. Neil sighed, but eventually he spoke again.

“I dreamt about my dad. A couple nights ago. Well, it wasn’t even _about_ him, I was just. I was in a room of mirrors and whenever I looked in the mirror I saw my dad. I haven’t felt _right_ since then.” Neil curled in on himself. “It just feels like I’m still pretending. Like I’m always going to be Nathaniel.”

Kevin moved to hold Neil’s face in his hands and touched their foreheads together. “You’re not your father. You’re not Nathaniel. You’re not a runaway. You are Neil Abram Josten. You’re brave, you’re smart, you’re persistent, you’re passionate, you’re _everything_ . You’re the _only_ thing. I _know_ you. I _see_ you.” He paused, hesitating. He’d never said these words aloud when in his right mind to anyone but his mother. “I _love_ you.”

Neil gasped softly. He pulled back slightly and Kevin moved the rest of the way, dropping his hands, not wanting to crowd him. Neil didn’t say a word, just gaped at him like a fish. Andrew scoffed. “We chose a coherent one, didn’t we, Day?”

Kevin’s heart jumped like it did whenever Andrew referred to them as ‘ _we_ ’ or some other form of that. He smiled and held his hand out to Andrew, letting Andrew lace their fingers together. Neil was still gaping, but when Kevin raised an eyebrow, he turned his head away, hiding a blush. He seemed to gather his courage and turned back to Kevin. “Why.”

Kevin looked at him, mostly confused. “What?”

“Why me?”

He blinked. “I thought I just explained? At least a little bit?”

Neil was still looking at him like he needed an explanation, so Kevin sighed and muttered “ _tu me rends dingue_ ” before looking Neil in the eye. “Because you make me feel like I’m _home_ . I didn’t know what that was like until I met you two. You make me feel _safe_.” He took a deep breath and switched to look at Andrew. “I meant what I said. You gave me an always. You gave me a home. I—”

“Kevin?”

“Yeah?”

“I know I said we need to talk about this, but you talk too much,” Andrew deadpanned before grabbing Kevin’s face and pulling him towards him, leaving a small space between their lips and letting Kevin close the distance. Kevin kissed him deeply, smiling against his lips before he could stop himself. 

Andrew pulled back, expression blank, but the corner of his lips twitched and his ears were red. “You’re the biggest fool I’ve ever met, Day.”

“Your fool,” Kevin reminded, teasing.

Andrew scoffed and looked at Neil. “Josten, do remind me why we picked this one again?” 

Kevin turned to see Neil smiling fondly and reached for his hand. Neil intertwined their fingers and kissed the back of Kevin’s scarred hand. “Because we love him.” 

Kevin felt his heart fill, felt hope expand in his chest until it almost hurt. “You do?”

Andrew slapped the back of his head. Kevin turned to him with a glare, but Andrew simply said, “Stop saying stupid things. Of course we do.”

Kevin looked at him, trying to plead with the eyes that he knew Andrew was weak for. “Say it?”

Andrew kissed him instead, grabbing his shirt and pulling him in so close that Kevin was unbalanced. When he pulled back, he only pulled back enough to speak. “I love you.”

Kevin melted and pressed a final kiss to Andrew’s lips, soft and sweet, trying to thank him with his lips. 

He looked at Neil and grinned, watching as Neil’s blush deepened. He leaned in, pausing a breath away from Neil’s lips. “ _Tu me rends tellement heureux_ ,” he murmured against Neil’s lips. Neil answered his declaration with a kiss, licking at Kevin’s smile until Kevin opened his mouth and let Neil have his way. He pulled away after a final small kiss and Kevin beamed at him. 

Neil rolled his eyes, but kissed him again and murmured against his lips, “ _Je t’aime de toute mon âme_.”

He almost felt bad for using French in front of Andrew, but he knew the language comforted Neil and he still felt the remnants of Neil’s panic on his skin. 

“Now that that’s been established, can we go back to _sleep_ ,” Andrew muttered. “This is an illegal hour in the morning.”

“We have practice in two hours,” Kevin said, near offended that Andrew forgot. “We might as well start getting ready.”

“Or we could skip.”

“No!” Neil and Kevin exclaimed.

Andrew rolled his eyes, but got to his feet. “Fine. Junkies.”

“Your junkies,” Kevin called after him.

Kevin’s face flared bright red when Andrew called back, “Always.”

—

Kevin had gotten to where he’d developed a new love for Eden’s. Before, he’d loved it because it provided an escape, a place where he could drink as much as he wanted and it would be normal because they were at a nightclub, a place meant for drinking. A place where he could ignore the growing dependency on the rush of the alcohol that wiped away all coherent thoughts and fears. 

Now, nearing a year sober, he found his joy in seeing Neil and Andrew beneath the neon lights. It was a joy he wouldn’t trade for anything, not even for the rush of alcohol. Not after his relapse last year. Not after the pain of coming so close to a year sober only to be devastated by the one year anniversary of Riko’s death, and then again by the feeling of letting himself down. Besides, compared to seeing how beautiful his boys were sober, it wasn’t that big of a loss. 

Andrew had gotten more comfortable with being drunk, since he knew Kevin had his back, and Kevin lived and breathed for the smiles the alcohol would pull from Andrew. Kevin knew that it was difficult for Andrew to show emotions in physical ways, but he wished that he could see those smiles when Andrew was sober as well, despite how horrible they were for his heart. 

It was absolutely _terrible_ for Kevin’s heart when he helped his boys out of the club, letting Neil cling to his waist and Andrew swing their hands as they walked. As good as they looked throwing back shots under the neon lights, they looked even better calmly coming down from their drunken high as they walked to the car. They looked too beautiful under the city lights. It was doing wonders to Kevin’s heart rate; he wondered if it was healthy. He was starting to think he was going to have to ask Abby about it. 

Because then, out of nowhere, Neil _giggled_ and reached around Kevin to nudge Andrew in the side several times. “Hey Drew. Drew. Do French people have another word for tits or do they just say it with a French accent?”

Andrew stopped in his tracks and stared at Neil as Kevin watched, simply amused. Neil grinned when he realized he’d gotten Andrew’s attention and then, in the worst French accent Kevin had ever heard, said “ _Titties_.”

Surprising the ever loving shit out of Kevin, Andrew started to _laugh_ . It was bright, it was clear, and it was because of the worst joke Kevin had ever heard, but he felt his face burn bright red. He wasn’t going to be able to handle this, both of his boys laughing under the city lights. He wasn’t going to be able to handle something this _adorable_. 

He turned around to walk away and like the dumbass he was, he didn’t pay attention to where he was going and walked straight into a light post.

  
  


“Idiot. Absolute fool. Unbelievable dumbass.” Kevin rolled his eyes at the endless stream of insults coming from Andrew. It hurt his head to do so, but it served to piss Andrew off even further. “You’re ridiculous. I laugh _once_ and you walk into a damn light post. A goddamn light post. You fucking concussed yourself. Over a _laugh_.”

“A pretty laugh,” Kevin slurred. “It was like a choir of angels. Like a ray of sunshine. It felt amazing. And I’m not concussed. I just needed stitches.”

“Because you walked into a post. A goddamn light post,” Neil laughed from his other side. He was sitting on the edge of Kevin’s bed, Kevin’s fingers intertwined with his own, lightly rubbing his thumb over Kevin’s scars. “You’re really that weak for our laughs?”

Kevin blushed, making Neil chuckle and the corner of Andrew’s mouth twitch.

“Did they give you a lot of trouble when you tried to come back?” Kevin asked. His words were still slurring together, reminding him of the drugs he was on. 

Neil laughed out loud this time, grinning at Andrew. “Drew covered that one pretty well, I think. For once, he didn’t punch anyone.” Kevin looked at Andrew and saw that Andrew was glaring furiously at the wall, the tips of his ears bright pink. 

Kevin held back a smile. “Aw, no punching? That’s a first. I was kinda looking forward to hearing about it.”

“You’ll wanna hear about this more,” Neil said with a scoff. 

Kevin turned back to Andrew and smiled gently. “Well? What’s the tale, Minyard?”

Andrew stayed quiet until Neil apparently grew tired of it. “He told the doctors we’re engaged.” 

Kevin gaped at his boyfriend. “He _what_ ? Not that I mind,” he hurried to say when Andrew’s expression turned dark. “I _definitely_ don’t mind that. I’ve just never even heard you refer to _this_ as a relationship. What changed?”

Andrew’s expression recovered from the darkness that had started to grow and his blush spread to his cheeks as he looked at Kevin. “I want to marry you. I want to marry _both_ of you. Yes or no?”

Kevin reached for Andrew’s face, grinning brightly when Andrew leaned towards him and kissed him. “Yes,” He murmured against his lips. There was no hesitation in his body. “God, _yes_.”

Andrew pulled away, looking at Neil. “Yes or no, Josten?”

Neil looked so damn happy when he placed his hands on Andrew’s neck and kissed him, soft and slow. It warmed Kevin’s heart to see. “Yes, darling.”

When Andrew pulled away from Neil, his face had broken into one of his rare smiles, small and unnoticeable to the untrained eye, but bright and happy to those who knew him. 

“You’re not still drunk, are you?” Kevin said, leaning forward and poking Andrew’s face.

Andrew’s eyebrows creased, but the smile didn’t fade. “No, why?”

“You have _that_ smile,” Kevin said with what he knew was a fond expression. He relaxed back into the pillows and let his hand fall back to his side. “It’s my favorite. Well, one of them. I love all of your smiles. But you usually only have that one when you’re drunk. It’s why I like being sober at Eden’s. You and Neil both smile a lot when you’re drunk. Neil actually giggles when he’s drunk, did you know that? It’s adorable.” He frowned when he realized he had just said all of that out loud. “Can you get the doctor to take the meds away? I’m rambling now. It’s a weakness.” 

Andrew simply rolled his eyes and raised Kevin’s hand to his mouth, kissing his knuckles gently. Andrew’s other hand was still tangled in Neil’s curls, moving with Neil as Neil leaned towards Kevin and kissed his forehead. “I don’t want to assume, so I’m going to ask. Is that a yes to marrying me as well?” Neil asked, looking Kevin in the eye as he did. 

Kevin gaped at him before kissing him. When he pulled away, he said, “Starshine, I can’t imagine a universe where I could say no to you. So that’s a _yes_.” 

Neil grinned as he moved to curl up next to Kevin, able to do so because of his small stature. Andrew stayed in the chair, but he held hands with Neil and let their linked hands rest on Kevin’s abdomen. His other hand combed gently through Kevin’s hair, avoiding his bandages. 

Kevin couldn’t stop staring at them. The loves of his life, sitting there without a care in the world. The smile on Neil’s face, the twitch of Andrew’s lips and the crinkles around his eyes. Kevin’s heart was so completely _warm_.

Because Andrew was _Andrew_ . He was silent questions, the nudging of noses and the teasing brushes of lips. He was the whispered, then near shouted _yes_ on the days when Andrew needed confirmation he was not his nightmares. He was sitting in silent support, begrudgingly dealing with the cigarette smoke on the days where Andrew couldn’t handle touch, on the days where questions were answered with a reluctant _no_. He was touches with the right amount of pressure to ground Kevin and bring him away from colorless rooms and the memories of knives against his skin, of bones shattering, of ignored screams, on the days where all he wanted to do was hide, hide, hide, hide—because then there would be Andrew, with a weighted hand and a sarcastic smirk that attempted to distract from the emotion in his eyes. 

Kevin had learned that those hazel eyes were the gateway to Andrew’s soul that Andrew could never truly close. 

Andrew was his center of gravity, the force that made Kevin’s world continue to spin, that didn’t _make_ Kevin go on, because Andrew would never make anyone do anything they didn’t want to do, but made Kevin _want_ to find a way to keep going when all he wanted to do was take a bottle of vodka and hide for the rest of his days. 

As Andrew was constant and steady, Neil was vibrant and wild. Neil was his star, the light that shone in his darkest moments, the light that never faded, no matter how dark the hour. The light that burned and burned because some forget that the sun is also a star, one that will not hesitate to burn down the world, the same way Neil would if anything he cared for was threatened. He was near bone breaking hugs and burning kisses, the feeling of falling into oblivion and being lifted at the very last second, the euphoria of truly _living_ given to him by the only man he knew who understood what is was like to die. 

Neil was wildfire, he was the sun, he was the fuel that made Kevin keep dreaming. He was the light that lit up Kevin’s darkness, the light that lit up Andrew’s path as he guided Kevin out of the cave he forced himself into. He was one of two people that chose _Kevin_ , that chose _him_. They didn’t choose him because of his exy skills, they didn’t choose him because they felt obligated to, they chose him out of their own free will. They did more than choose him, they kept choosing him. They kept choosing him despite everything that came with him, the alcoholism, the constant anxiety, the trauma. 

(of course, they may or may not have tricked him into seeing betsy until he finally learned to manage those issues and thanks to that, he hadn’t touched a bottle of vodka in months and hadn’t had any in even longer and he was able to calm _himself_ down during what he learned was an anxiety attack instead of having to rely on a bottle or on his boys. they were still there for him when he had those attacks, with their steadying words and their love, but that was the thing about andrew and neil. they understood better than anyone that trauma had to be battled head-on, that it was a battle kevin had to fight on his own, even if they were there to provide support every step of the way.)

Kevin didn’t even mind the poetic shit his stupid mind was waxing, that was how bad his head was fucking with him. Or maybe how much he loved them. Either way, Kevin was okay with it. 

“Kevin? Darling?” Neil’s voice snapped him out of his daze. He looked over at his boyfriend—no, his _fiancé. Both_ of his fiancés. “What’s wrong?”

Kevin broke into a grin as he answered, because for the first time in his life, he truly meant it when he said, “Nothing.”

—

**Author's Note:**

> hope u enjoyed!! come see me on [twitter!!](https://mobile.twitter.com/risingrainbows) if you want to see gay shenanigans


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